5/8/17
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Certified and Looking
Today we got certified! We read through our homestudy and signed off on it. We also met our family social worker and the social worker who does placements. We talked at length with both of them about what to expect, how flexible our parameters are, and how we want to approach the search process.
Then we looked in "The Book" of children whose social workers are looking for pre-adoptive placements, which gets updated monthly. As I predicted, a lot of the kids in the book are ones who are hardest to place, such as older kids, kids with significant medical challenges, and sibling groups of 3 kids or more. What we did not expect was that a lot of the kids in the book are either legally freed for adoption or have already had reunification services terminated, which means their chances of being adopted is pretty high. We were also surprised to find out that because they are so far along in the process, it's actually reasonable to get matched with kids that are currently placed in a more distant county. We wouldn't be needing to drive them to birth parent visits in Chico every week. Also, when kids are detained from SF county, they may not be in foster homes in SF county. So our kids could have birth family in SF but be currently living in Chico. For this reason we looked through the entire book, regardless of county.
We did find two cases that potentially match our parameters. When our social worker reached out, it turns out one of the cases already had a match with a family. So we have asked for them to submit our homestudy for consideration for the other case. Most likely we will either hear a "no" or radio silence. I won't be updating the blog every time we find a case that could fit. This is just because it's unlikely to move forward. As soon as we get a "maybe" back from a social worker and we are moving forward to a disclosure meeting, I will let everyone know. Hopefully if the disclosure meeting goes well we will be officially "matched" and will get to meet the kids and start the pre-placement visits.
Another expectation we had that turned out to be slightly off was the idea that we could be called at any time about becoming an insta-parent. Our social worker did ask if we are interested in being a "first family," which would basically put us on call for 90 days and require that we not pursue any other kids during that time. This is typically for single, very very young kids, often even newborns who need to be picked up from the hospital. We can decide to do this at any point if we want, but for now we are sticking with reaching out to specific cases of kids already in foster homes, which means we will almost definitely have a transition period between getting matched and having the kids move in with us. At least that is my understanding right now. I will clarify with our social worker the next time we see her.
We also expected to see a ton of children of color, which wasn't the case. We had heard that Black and Latinx children were overrepresented in the foster system, but we hadn't taken into account the sheer number of white people in the state. Our chances of getting matched with white kids is still quite high. Regardless of our kids' ethnicit(ies) we are excited to help them build their own senses of identity, though that will look very different depending on whether we are their same race or not. And regardless of our kids' ethnicit(ies), we are excited to teach them to be woke, strong allies, and good citizens of their communities and of the world.
This is an exciting time that will likely be filled with rollercoaster emotions. There is absolutely no way to predict whether the very first case we reach out to will end in a match, or if the 50th one will. There is no way to predict if it will take two weeks or a year. At this point we are going to try our best to be patient and make the best use of our pre-parent time. It is a bit of a relief to be able to make plans in the next one or two months without worrying that it could cost us the chance of getting matched. Any plans we make further in the future than a couple of months ahead will have to be cancelable, but that's much easier than wondering if I can make plans for this weekend!
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5/2/17
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Monday Monday!
We have a social worker! She will be guiding us through the process of getting matched, contact child social workers about us, come to every meeting, facilitate the transition of moving the kids in with us, visit us every week for the first month and every other week after that to see how we are doing, be our liaison with the kids' social worker, help us apply for adoption, come to court hearings, and basically be our point person in every way throughout the process. On Monday we will go into the office to meet her, look over our homestudy, sign off, and start looking at potential matches!
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4/24/17
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Still Waiting But With Updated Timeline
Just heard from our home study social worker that she turned in her final draft to her supervisor today, and it needs to go through an approval process. Then we will be assigned a family social worker who we will work with throughout our fost-adopt journey. She said the next thing we will hear will be directly from our family social worker in a couple weeks. So now our hope is to be certified by mid-May.
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4/23/17
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Still Waiting
You know as much as we do. The time estimate was middle of April but we haven't heard anything yet. Trying not to bug our social worker so that she can catch up. We will definitely update you all as soon as we hear anything.
You know as much as we do. The time estimate was middle of April but we haven't heard anything yet. Trying not to bug our social worker so that she can catch up. We will definitely update you all as soon as we hear anything.
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3/9/17
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And Now We Wait
We finished our final interview today, which included our home inspection. Now we wait for our homestudy social worker to write up our homestudy document, then we sign it, and then we will be certified. This should happen around mid April. Getting Closer!
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2/17/17
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First Interview
We just finished our first interview, and scheduled the other three. In this interview she asked about why we are adopting, what our individual personalities are like, what our relationship with each other is like, what our plan for childcare is, and if our parameters for the demographic of kids has changed (age, gender, race, special needs, sibling sets, etc). She walked through our house and helped us figure out what things we will need to fix before our final home study, which will be our home inspection and will also cover some parenting questions. We have very little left to do to comply with regulations. The next three Thursdays will be the 1-1 interview with me, the 1-1 with John, and the home inspection, respectively.
In case I haven't made it clear, at this point in the process they aren't looking for ways to disqualify us. If anything, it is the opposite. They are looking for how they can help us get to a point where we can get certified. So we are not particularly nervous about these interviews, just excited to get through the process!
In case I haven't made it clear, at this point in the process they aren't looking for ways to disqualify us. If anything, it is the opposite. They are looking for how they can help us get to a point where we can get certified. So we are not particularly nervous about these interviews, just excited to get through the process!
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2/13/17
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Starting Our Homestudy
We scheduled our first homestudy interview for the end of this week, and we are very excited! We ended up with the homestudy social worker we were hoping for, and she has already been to our house because she did our intake interview. It will be two hours long, and part of the interview will be looking around the house to figure out if anything doesn't comply with foster regulations so that we can fix it by the time we do our final interview. So after Friday afternoon we will be able to schedule our 1-1 interviews with her as well, and then after those, our fourth and final interview. I'm still hopeful we will be certified by the end of March, but we'll see.
Meanwhile we have read several books, including ones about transracial adoption in foster care, attachment in foster care, sibling placements in foster care, emotional intelligence and emotion coaching, and trauma-centered care. One of the books I'm reading now is The Body Keeps Score which talks about how ongoing trauma in childhood affects development, which interventions are the most effective in rewiring the brain, and how many treatment approaches can actually make the problem worse. I'm listening to it on audible and I recommend it to anyone, not just people wanting to adopt. It's very narrative and interesting.
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1/26/17
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Training Classes
Our FFA (foster family agency) requires us to take their training classes prior to starting the homestudy interviews. It's a series of three full-day (9-5) Saturday classes plus an evening panel discussion featuring adoptive parents, adults who grew up in the foster system, and possibly teenagers who have been adopted.
Class One
The first class mostly covered concurrent planning and cultural competency. We have already read a few books on transracial adoption (with a few others in the queue), so this part wasn't super new to us. But we did get some great resources to take home, including some good breakdowns of how kids develop an understanding of race and their racial identity.
Class Two
The second class focused on attachment, trauma, and LGBQ* and TGNC** competency in parenting. We also got some great handouts on these subjects, including articles about the difference between bonding and claiming (bonding takes place over time, claiming is immediate and binary). We learned about how trauma impacts development and how much rewiring needs to take place in order for kids to develop after trauma. A lot of the discussion around sexual orientation and gender identity was motivated by the need for all adoptive families to fully accept and cherish children who are LGB or TGNC.
*sexual identity - lesbian, gay, bisexual, questioning
**gender identity - trans and gender nonconforming
Class Three
The third class will be about grief and loss. We are looking forward to learning more about this.
All The Reading
As part of these training classes, we have had a TON of reading to cover, which has been incredibly informative. In addition to the required reading, we have also been reading other books recommended to us in order to give ourselves as many tools as possible to help navigate the challenges that may be coming our way.
Meanwhile
We are also signed up for an online class about how to teach mindfulness meditation and compassion/kindness to kids. There is a great documentary about how this group went into a middle school and taught this to a group of "problem" students, which you can watch here: http://www.mindfulschools.org/resources/room-to-breathe/. We are very excited to learn to teach this to kids, and we think it will be a great tool for us and our kids.
Next Steps For Us
Next week they will audit our file to make sure we have all the necessary paperwork (which we do as far as I know), and then our homestudy social worker will review our file and prepare for our interviews. There will be four interviews (two together, one each individual) in which we also have to demonstrate that our house complies with state foster regulations. Then the social worker will write up a 15-20 page document about us that can be shared with child social workers when we are looking for potential matches. Once the document is complete, we will sign it and then we will be officially certified! I will post about the searching/matching process once we have learned a little more about it.
Class One
The first class mostly covered concurrent planning and cultural competency. We have already read a few books on transracial adoption (with a few others in the queue), so this part wasn't super new to us. But we did get some great resources to take home, including some good breakdowns of how kids develop an understanding of race and their racial identity.
Class Two
The second class focused on attachment, trauma, and LGBQ* and TGNC** competency in parenting. We also got some great handouts on these subjects, including articles about the difference between bonding and claiming (bonding takes place over time, claiming is immediate and binary). We learned about how trauma impacts development and how much rewiring needs to take place in order for kids to develop after trauma. A lot of the discussion around sexual orientation and gender identity was motivated by the need for all adoptive families to fully accept and cherish children who are LGB or TGNC.
*sexual identity - lesbian, gay, bisexual, questioning
**gender identity - trans and gender nonconforming
Class Three
The third class will be about grief and loss. We are looking forward to learning more about this.
All The Reading
As part of these training classes, we have had a TON of reading to cover, which has been incredibly informative. In addition to the required reading, we have also been reading other books recommended to us in order to give ourselves as many tools as possible to help navigate the challenges that may be coming our way.
Meanwhile
We are also signed up for an online class about how to teach mindfulness meditation and compassion/kindness to kids. There is a great documentary about how this group went into a middle school and taught this to a group of "problem" students, which you can watch here: http://www.mindfulschools.org/resources/room-to-breathe/. We are very excited to learn to teach this to kids, and we think it will be a great tool for us and our kids.
Next Steps For Us
Next week they will audit our file to make sure we have all the necessary paperwork (which we do as far as I know), and then our homestudy social worker will review our file and prepare for our interviews. There will be four interviews (two together, one each individual) in which we also have to demonstrate that our house complies with state foster regulations. Then the social worker will write up a 15-20 page document about us that can be shared with child social workers when we are looking for potential matches. Once the document is complete, we will sign it and then we will be officially certified! I will post about the searching/matching process once we have learned a little more about it.
11/13/16
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Paperwork and Baby Class
Paperwork and Application Process
We are nearly done with our paperwork. Out of about 50 items, we have four items left to do, two of which we are waiting for our appointments in order to complete (CPR class next weekend, physician exam in a few weeks). Once our background checks clear, we can take their PRIDE class, which is a series in which we meet other fost-adopt parents, hear from foster kids and adults who went through the foster system, and learn about trauma and healing and neglect and all kinds of stuff. Around that same time possibly, we will be doing our home study interviews at our house, which I believe consists of at least one interview with us together and at least one interview for each of us on our own. And we have to pass the home inspection, which mostly will just mean that we can't have knifes laying around and we need to have meds locked up.
Baby Class
Another requirement for anyone who is interested in kids three years old and under is their baby class. We were lucky in that they were hosting one this weekend, so we signed up immediately. It was a one-day, all-day class, and we were earlier in our process than anyone else there. They had all been through the PRIDE classes, and a lot of them knew each other from those classes. The class covered typical child development and milestones to look out for, basics on care for drug-exposed kids, information on fetal alcohol syndrome, and learning about which special needs we are each comfortable with. They pointed out that for any kid who is adopted, even from day one, there is still trauma in being removed from the birth mom because the baby has been bonding with her for months. So in this sense, any adopted kid is considered to have special needs at the time of their adoption, though the majority of them will heal and grow and be very well-adjusted. There wasn't too much info discussed that was new information to me, but they gave us a very large packet of information that I plan to look through, including how to help soothe babies going through withdrawals or having trouble with self-regulation. The big takeaway is that almost no drug does permanent developmental damage to a kid, whereas alcohol exposure can cause very serious damage that never goes away. Unfortunately a lot of pregnant women's doctors are saying that it is ok to have a glass of wine here and there during pregnancy, but in reality any amount of alcohol can do permanent damage.
We have some other more casual things on our to do list for when we are waiting for things to go through, like organizing things in the house, reading more about attachment, building up our library of kid books (more on that later), and getting some systems in place. We will keep you all posted here!
We are nearly done with our paperwork. Out of about 50 items, we have four items left to do, two of which we are waiting for our appointments in order to complete (CPR class next weekend, physician exam in a few weeks). Once our background checks clear, we can take their PRIDE class, which is a series in which we meet other fost-adopt parents, hear from foster kids and adults who went through the foster system, and learn about trauma and healing and neglect and all kinds of stuff. Around that same time possibly, we will be doing our home study interviews at our house, which I believe consists of at least one interview with us together and at least one interview for each of us on our own. And we have to pass the home inspection, which mostly will just mean that we can't have knifes laying around and we need to have meds locked up.
Baby Class
Another requirement for anyone who is interested in kids three years old and under is their baby class. We were lucky in that they were hosting one this weekend, so we signed up immediately. It was a one-day, all-day class, and we were earlier in our process than anyone else there. They had all been through the PRIDE classes, and a lot of them knew each other from those classes. The class covered typical child development and milestones to look out for, basics on care for drug-exposed kids, information on fetal alcohol syndrome, and learning about which special needs we are each comfortable with. They pointed out that for any kid who is adopted, even from day one, there is still trauma in being removed from the birth mom because the baby has been bonding with her for months. So in this sense, any adopted kid is considered to have special needs at the time of their adoption, though the majority of them will heal and grow and be very well-adjusted. There wasn't too much info discussed that was new information to me, but they gave us a very large packet of information that I plan to look through, including how to help soothe babies going through withdrawals or having trouble with self-regulation. The big takeaway is that almost no drug does permanent developmental damage to a kid, whereas alcohol exposure can cause very serious damage that never goes away. Unfortunately a lot of pregnant women's doctors are saying that it is ok to have a glass of wine here and there during pregnancy, but in reality any amount of alcohol can do permanent damage.
We have some other more casual things on our to do list for when we are waiting for things to go through, like organizing things in the house, reading more about attachment, building up our library of kid books (more on that later), and getting some systems in place. We will keep you all posted here!
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10/15/16
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We Have an FFA!
Announcement!!
We are very excited to have been accepted by our top choice FFA (Foster Family Agency), and they sent us an application packet!! We went to their info session about a month ago and were really blown away by their thoughtful answers to our many, many questions. They are well respected in our community and have a really strong program with people who really love what they do. Two weeks ago the home study social worker came over to do an intake interview at our house, mostly to ask why we want to adopt, make sure we aren't living in a tent, and find out if we were still grieving something (eg infertility, miscarriage, death of a child). The social worker then wrote up a report on us to bring to her team to discuss with them and decide whether or not we were a good fit. And we are!!
What Now?
Now we fill out the application packet, which involves some questionnaires, some photocopies of a lot of official documents, some background check applications, DMV records, etc. Heaps of paperwork. Once we pass preliminary background checks we will be eligible to sign up for their pre-placement classes.
Classes
The classes will help prepare us to parent kids with histories of abuse, neglect, trauma, and drug exposure, as well as other topics specific to fost-adoption, such as involvement with the birth family and navigating the process. The classes will also help prepare us for parenthood in general - we are required to take their baby class, since we are interested in possible placements of children under the age of three.
House Prep
Once classes conclude we can complete our home study, which includes multiple visits to our house to assure compliance with state regulations for foster homes. We have most of this covered already, but will have to get a landline phone, have a first aid kit, have certain items secured, and whatnot.
This whole process should take a few months. Once everything is complete and cleared we can look at possible placements. We are on our way!!
